Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize