I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
