Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
BRING THE BAGELS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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