Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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