It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
