Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im holly from the hills drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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