Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
