Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
