I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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