she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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