I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
