How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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