And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
