ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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