when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
