I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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