hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
