dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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