Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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