dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
