Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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