Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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