I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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