I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize