like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize