i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
