Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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