On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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