I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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