hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
