his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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