wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
