I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
