I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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