your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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