How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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