i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
