Your mouth is God's brothel.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
