im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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