you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
