So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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