I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
