He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
