did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The best revenge is premature balding
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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