I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he laminated a picture of his dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
