We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
