bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this will be a night to untag.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
