i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
