What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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