Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ttyl tear gas
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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