My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize