Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
