I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
