he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
