there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
being pregnant is like rehab
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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