Jerry, you need to find god
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
