I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
