Jerry, you need to find god
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
