SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
