This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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