I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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