Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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