dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And then my night got REAL pukey
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
