i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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