The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
