Just took my morning after pill in the library
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
