Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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