he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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