He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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