woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
