We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
