She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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