Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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