Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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