When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
