My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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