Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm at about main and main street
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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