u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
