How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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