Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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