ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm both gender and math confused
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
