I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
