shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
