I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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