they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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