I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize