Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
