my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
