i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
