Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
