I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize
