Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We have started to decorate penises.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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