Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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