Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
