No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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